A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
