good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i out mim tonsoeep
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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