He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Enjoy the penises
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.