i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?