I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
That's when you crack a 10am beer
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
