C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
