We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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