You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
