Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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