So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
