You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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