The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Michael Bay diarrhea
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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