I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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