I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
