Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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