Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
