two words: eviction party
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
