hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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