I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
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How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
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