Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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