I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
