Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
