He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
