lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
