O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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