I bet he comes in French.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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