420 ftw
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
