i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
