i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize