I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
