There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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