is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
