So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
