dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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