why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
