Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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