Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
