I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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