So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
