I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
