Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
