we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
