I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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