o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
