the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
