is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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