Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
