i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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