Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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