just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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