wrigley field is MILF paradise
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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