Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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