Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
