god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
