Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
