well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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