A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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