And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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