well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
