i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
