OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My vagina is very pro this idea
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