So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
