I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i think i just naturally attract stoners
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
