I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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