i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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