I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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