it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
