Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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