I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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