sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
