Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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