I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
are you so shy because you have an std?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
