You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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