it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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