I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
