I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
