1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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