just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
