he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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