i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
