If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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