Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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