he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
