Sry I called you an 8
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
