i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
