Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
