Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
