I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
