well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
