She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You have to summon your inner elephant
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
